Author Archives: Dox

When Bretman Rock said, ‘Daddy? You don’t call this daddy.. I really put on make up for 2 mother freaking hours, for you to call me daddy? ..Call me mommy or something like that, does this contour scream daddy to you?’ I felt that. But I’m so bipolar being a girly tomboy what I wear really depends on my mood though I lean into girly more often.

As someone who is easily stressed, heavy over thinker, I’ve been told I’m easy to be around, charismatic and comforting. I’m very grateful for that and I credit it to my great grandmother. She was huge on hospitality and love and a very graceful woman, rarely cried in front of people, was never one to let you know if she was going through something and kind of secretive in that way. She was the type of comforter that would rarely cry with you, but instead make you laugh and tell jokes with such spunk and charm that would make sure you genuinely forget what you were crying about. She was from Mississippi so one could say sometimes they could seem a bit insensitive, but it was always tasteful since humor was how they got threw hard times back then. Yet when she did it, it was always done with consciousness, intelligence, class and dignity. She refused to let people be sad, that’s when you know someone is really smart when they can make a wholesome remark or joke that makes you think-laugh and smile instead of feel ashamed to find it funny. She was also one you caught smiling across the dinner table for no reason, you ask her what she’s smiling about, she’ll say because God is good, or she’ll just laugh and motion over to you like how you wave or look at a baby, even though you’re like way past that, then she’ll call you some affectionate pet name that only grandparents can. If you needed to cry though, she could very well be the shoulder or lap to sit on while she pats you on the back and you cry. Similar to how a baby burps after a hard pat on the back, she did the same thing when someone cried, that strong southern hand wasn’t anything to play with. She always made crying seem shorter than what it was. That was definitely an example of life in a nutshell; you let those emotions strike you don’t fake it, but don’t let it linger move on, and laugh about it right afterwards so the next time feels shorter than the last. But just to know that when you look up with a face of puffy redness and stream of tears, she was still smiling at you but in a way that lets you know she sympathizes, yet she knows what you’re feeling is temporary, and she was gonna have something to say after you were done to where you had to stop crying, and laugh because you now felt free because you shed an honest and truthful release of that pain or agony that was inside. People like that are rare, she was never one to turn her back on people, or neglect them no matter how badly they hurt her. And I guess that’s where we differ, since I definitely need to work on that hot headed spirit which probably comes from my mother. And then us as grand or great grandchildren would always mimic her or want to fight anyone that got near her even if that meant each other but we never did. She was that person to emotionally adopt anyone no matter what age they were, since no one was considered a grown up to her unless you were her age, everyone was a baby. She was that person who you would ask if you were her favorite all the time and she always said no, (even though I know for a fact it was me). Always got compliments and accolades from strangers, usually on her appearance, a lot of people thought her daughter was her sister. Medium-tall good looking vigorous older Indian African American woman, with brown skin and welcoming eyes (since you know- black don’t crack 👀). Undoubtedly stylish and refined, fashionable day and night with jet black hair and a stunningly wide smile and laugh/voice with wit that could cure a multitude of negative emotions and fears- and undeniably did for many. And don’t get me started on body because she valued health and was in shape til she passed, but don’t get me wrong because the curves didn’t end okay the lady was actually blessed and a blessing. Sophisticated and rocked a little gold in her tooth filler or two, high cheekbones and a full breast. And just her overall aura either at the store, restaurant or anywhere where she could meet others and other socialites they’d observe her with awe, since she had a loud voice and was engaging, persuasive and funny yet still humble and elegant enough to be gracious to all. To really know her was to love her, honestly I could write a book about her life with hundreds of pages and it would still would not suffice and I wish I knew her when she was in the country growing up. She had that growth development soul and mindset, she just wanted to see the people she loved excel, even if that meant some harsh scolding or rectifying but it was always justified. She told me a bunch of stuff when she raised me and all around key scriptures, she said if you don’t love someone you don’t correct them. Even if I didn’t always like it I was always grateful to her for it, because it shows more strength to tell someone or chastise a child when they’re wrong, then it does to let them continue in mistakes and confusion. Which I thought was smart, it’s always better to duke it out in the home where there is trust and understanding, instead of going out into society where there’s immense hate and letting it drive you crazy. If I had an issue she always helped me work it out and prayed with me to better assist. Even though we all in the family wanted to be like her, she always told us to be who we are and to be our best. Never led anyone astray and gave bottomless words wisdom that carried us into next week or next month. She always kept a young mind, and optimism although she could be stubborn at times, since we were both Cancers. Relentlessly caring, compassionate, forgiving and loving hard without regrets whether or not it always seemed rational. She was like glue she believed in agape love unity stemming from her relationship with Christ who is our Lord and savior. And whether she was mad, or someone else was mad she always made sure they came back together and that the connection was more powerful for it. She taught release time and worked with other missionaries for 50 years, raised her kids and others, was a preachers kid, part of many charitable organizations, was also always on the phone 24/7, with relatives even it was 4am in the morning she would answer the phone with excitement and enthusiasm to let them know, she was happy to hear from them no matter what it cost or state of sleep she was in and that they were more important. And that’s what I want to kind of embody in the future, just create a home of harboring dreams and cherishing constant love and support for your friends & family even through very hard times.

What is your motivation for life? I pray you receive consciousness and your higher self is given the opportunity to present you with great understanding. We are not perfect people, and we are to make due in an imperfect world. If you need to vent, make sure you open your mind to acceptance so you can do that if need be. You are bright and deserving of life’s many endless and plentiful gifts. Sometimes everything doesn’t need a reaction so be mindful of how you respond to your emotions, circumstances, and the behaviors of others. You are not alone and you will overcome and see the better side of your moods and situations, and your state of mind will be at peace. You are not crazy or invalid for feeling chaotic and turbulent emotions. Leave them when they are over, feel them and let them pass when there is no more to be released. The entire universe is at your feet, so service yourself and so you can serve others.